Thursday, 29 December 2011

I took a Botany class once.

Every once in awhile I get a nagging feeling to ponder the blogs, the thoughts, the minds of anyone daring enough to write their own blog.  And even less frequently I feel the urge to document my minds own spillage.  What prompted me to write today, is my yearly reflection that I've seemed to produce for the last three years.  As each year comes to an end, I subconsciously reflect on the years past events. Without even realizing it (until now), I have habitually documented my yearly growth and maturation.  I've never been one to write or keep a journal, but tonight I'm glad I have written these  5 or 6 times over the last two years.  So, if this is the last time I publish a blog for the next year.. I'm okay with that. 

From what I've just read written by the younger me, I have been desperate to find myself.  While I sit here, it seems I haven't gotten anywhere and even that I've regressed rather than advanced in my journey of self-discovery and self-improvement.  However, after reading my seemingly insignificant problems of 2009 and 2010.. I've realized that those problems seem minute now because they aren't problems now.  I have developed a more thorough understanding of what it means to live in the now, instead of being consumed by this psychological concept of past and future.  My goal is to focus on what is evidently permanent and the only thing in this life that is permanent is the consciousness of this second; now is all I will ever truly have.  So, I can accept or I can attempt to deny what this very second gives me-- I learned a long time ago that it's best to accept whatever emotion or situation as soon as possible in order to move on from it and find the peace, happiness, and joy which is so much more easily available in the absence of unnecessary drama, worry, and anger.